I’m Back… And I’m Sunshiny, Apparently

Let’s cut to the chase, Matilda. I’ve been tagged.And because I particularly enjoy driving you all quite mad by repeating myself exactly eighteen times a month, I must declare loudly that I  love being tagged. Partly because they are fun but mostly because I am desperately lazy and tags require no brainwork. You just gotta answer them questions, Matilda. Nothing to it.Except for the part at the end where you have to think up some questions of your own, but let’s forget about that for the moment…

 

You may recall that I have been tagged for the Sunshine Blogger Award once before and if you do, I must say you have an excellent memory, Imaginary Sir. I admire you.

This time I have been tagged by the witty genius that is Evangeline from An Odd Blog. Have I mentioned she makes the most gorgeous headers?

I find it enormously amusing that two individuals actually thought me sunshiny enough to deserve this award. Magnanimously I allow them to continue living in this delusion…

And now! Brace yourself for rambling and more personal information about me than you asked for!

“what is your favorite fast food place?”

Thanks for asking, Matilda! In point of fact, I do not like fast food. To be specific, I don’t appreciate the great quantity of grease slathered all over the meat of fast food. Therefore I look upon all fast food and the buildings in which it is found and the beings who serve it with thinly-veiled suspicion. I like to be healthy, Larry. Didn’t you know? Sure, I devour deserts with a perfectly alarming appetite but when I’m not eating desert, I like to eat something healthy to make up for all the desert, follow?In the name of compromise, I will declare that I am rather fond of Chik-fil-a for they have mastered the art of making fast food-like food that actually appears to have some time and thought put into it. In other words, I am fairly certain the meat came from an animal and I can find it with relative ease… as opposed to McDonald’s where I could search for days and not find any traces of my long-lost patty.

“if you could learn any foreign language, which would it be?”

English seems like a decent place to start… also it would be rather useful as I am currently attempting to write a book in that language. Intrepid is my middle name, clearly.

But let us be serious for a moment, Matilda, for this is a rather serious question. I love languages, dude. I’ve taken three years of Spanish and would love to learn the basics in some of the other Romantic languages – French, Italian, and Latin, especially. Difficult languages like Russian, Mandarin, and Japanese look enormously fun. German sounds vaguely threatening, which makes it great for yelling at unsuspecting strangers. Greek is probably useful. I’m not picky.

If I have never said this before, I am saying it now: I adore books with multiple ethnicities – when well-researched, that is – because it affords me a chance to pick up a bit of a foreign language. Obviously we must emulate what we admire. For this reason, The Songless made me learn quite a few Swahili words and phrases and will hopefully force me to pick up a bit of Russian – a daunting task because Google Translate translates English into Russian letters and I cannot read it, Matilda! What am I to do? Metal Hands, Metal Soul should teach me some Japanese and French. And on a completely different – or is it? – note, Divided They Fall is apparently quite mathy and so I will probably emerge a mathematical genius when I have finished writing it.

“what is your personal favorite animated film of all time?”

Ouch, Matilda. Why such difficult questions?

I shall list all of them, even though you did not request this, because the list is brief. I don’t like animated films, generally.

And… I’m going to pretend you stipulated Disney animated films because that’s what we’re all thinking anyway, right? Go classic or go home, I always say.

Tangled, Mulan, Aladdin, and The Little Mermaid. Ta-daa!

“would you rather be stranded on a deserted island, Antarctica (with supplies to stay warm), or a rugged mountain?”

Alaska is my dream, but Antarctica is taking things too far. No, thank you, sir. But I am vaguely interested in these supplies? Is a pet seal included? A fluffy parka? An inflatable raft? I’ll take those, please.

Now I face a conundrum.

Deserted islands are always beachy. We all know this. But mountains… mountains, Gandalf!

Which to pick…

Let’s just go with the island. Lost instilled in me a fervent desire to crashland on a deserted island so that I can prove to the world that it is, indeed, possible not to be an absolute idiot in that situation…

“what is your favorite episode of Star Wars?”

Everyone take a deep, calming breath.

I. Have. Never. Seen. Star Wars.

Ever.

Please put down that knife, sir.

“what is your favorite school subject?”

Like Evangeline, I have a difficult time answering this question…

I like Literature, most of the time. I despise math. Anatomy is fun but rather difficult. Writing has never qualified as “school” in my household for some reason. Probably because I enjoy it.

“what is your favorite book that no one has ever heard of?”

All of them, Matilda, all of them.

Okay, okay. To name just a few… The Song of Seare trilogy by C. E. Laureano, The Witch of Blackbird Pond and Calico Captive by Elizabeth George Speare, and North To Freedom by Ann Holm.

 “which do you prefer: spaghetti or Chinese food?”

I love Chinese food! It’s so warm and comforting and steamy and crisp… perfection, I tell you. White rice is the best thing since whatever came before white rice, I say.

Not to slander you, Spaghetti. You are quite nice yourself. Pasta is also a marvelous invention.

And now comes the fun part…

I have had more than enough of this sunshiny frivolity. What if… what if I made my own tag… the Evil Writer Award? Hmmm? Would you play?

Well, you’re playing whether you like it or not, Matilda, because I’m doing it!

Here are your questions… Please answer these from a writerly perspective! I do not want to know how many people you have killed in real life, okay? Do. Not. Want. To know. Keep it to yourself, dear.

How many characters do you typically kill per book? And how many people have you killed in real life, dear? Do you… feel any remorse about this? I’m concerned about you.

Do you prefer to use weapons of mass destruction like explosions and famine and world war or more personal torture like killing family and friends and pets?

Are you more like Loki, who perpetrates great evil with a creepy grin, or… give me a minute… Darth Vader, who secretly weeps inside his… fake head, whilst destroying the world? 

What is the most dastardly crime you have ever committed as a writer? 

What kind of chocolate do you most like to devour as you burn things? White, milk, semisweet, or dark? Bonus points if you are so evil you find unsweetened cacao palatable!

What is your villainous title? You may not have “Evil Overlord” because that one’s mine.

Which of your characters would actually be a match for you if you were to duke it out one on one?

Which character, in all the many books you have undoubtedly written, is most likely to be your Archnemesis?

Do you wear a cape? Face paint? A mask? Special underpants? Or do you hide in plain sight… like Moriarty? Give me details!

I think it is evident to everyone that I have exhausted every possible line of questioning here. I was planning on doing eleven questions because who like even numbers? Not me, Matilda! But you’ll have to settle for nine. Apologies!

I guess I should invent some rules or something? Um. Give all the credit to me, for I am an evil genius, tag at least two other people and please do invent some more questions if you can think of any!

Now! I tag…

Kenzie, Anna, Jethan, and monkeyeverything because we were cabinmates for Camp NaNo and they are so much fun, and Christine because she sometimes does tags if they are writerly, and Cait because she doesn’t tell us nearly enough about her writings! Oh, and Ruby because she wears my Favorite Person badge!

Whew! Long post! Are you guys still awake? What is one book you love that no one knows exists? Who is your favorite Disney princess? Would you rather be stranded on a desert island or a rugged mountain? Do you own a parka? Do you know English and can you teach me?